He Should've Been There Last Night


Photo by Elliott Engelmann on Unsplash

First Written: November 2022
Initially Published: November 2022
Last Edited: November 2022

Content Warning: Graphic mention of suicide

He could've been there last night


The music was right up his alley. The people where young and beautiful. They all danced just as bad as he did. A few even seemed to capture his zeal and vigor.


He didn't really like me I think. Often he would casually infer the contempt he had for me when we swam in the same circles. I think he saw through all the lies and bull shit I told people and myself back then. He saw my disingenuity, my insecurities, and self loathing. He saw it all, and I think he saw it in most people even tho he was universally loved.


I think he saw it in himself. I guess if I had to see the lies we all tell ourselves with the clarity that he did I might put a shot gun in my mouth too.


Or maybe he just didnt like me.


God—he should've been there last night




Note: I am fine and have no suicidal ideations, just trying to process those who do