Newport Beach with Yaquina Head Lighthouse visible as a tiny tower in the distance.
All images and captions from https://ragemanchoo.tripod.com/
Feeling lonely and isolated in a small rural town can suck for just about anybody. Add onto that any kinda minority status and it can feel down right crushing. I live in a very liberal, small (some folks scoff when I call it a medium) town an hour or two away from significant gay populations. Even here, even now, it can still feel incredibly isolating when your only interaction with other people like you community is through dating apps and your small friend group.
Often I find myself going down google rabbit holes trying to find a peep from other queers in my area. I have found defunct gay hiking groups (with the best URL money can buy: queervallis.org), history articles about queer folk from the past in the area, and old Reddit posts. But one term would prove to be the most fruitful yet heart ripping.
You have to promise not to make fun of me for the obvious desperation: gay corvallis.
First few hits where adds, a couple more where some repeat offenders I had seen, and one named RAGE_CENTRAL. The page looked fresh from the Clinton administration with no links, buttons, pictures or event background color. Just a mildly incel-ey (we've all been there) critique of small college town queer culture in times new roman from the early oughts (I would later come to find that this page had been de-listed from the main cite by it's author which is why I do not link to it directly). Painfully intrigued, my (or my friend Racheal's) zoomer ability to internet stalk sprang into action. What I found was one of the most beautiful, pure, and horrifying interactions I have ever had on the internet.
From here down I am going to ask you to read every caption, and look at every image. You can skip all my commentary but promise me you wont skip him.
His name is Ryan.
He is from Albany, Ore. He wanted to, and ultimately became a jeweler. His internet personality is Rage, a sonic derived caricature (furry). He loves cats and cars and his friends. If you have not been turned off by that initial list allow me to show you a small slice of the pandora of Ryan. At the time of me writing this the images, captions, personal stories, blog posts, and essays are all still up on the internet here.
His cite is archived in the wayback machine so if not available at the original web page check there.
He Went on Trips
Me standing on the ferry deck My skin is all white because it was March and it was cold out, and living in Oregon, you don't get much sun that time of the year. :}
Ryan's Trip to Canada ~ Spring Break, 1999
My cousin, my aunt, her friend, and me went to Victoria, British Columbia for Spring Break of 1999. The weather was sunny some of the days we were there, and others it was rainy off and on. I brought along a pair of "fun saver" cameras. We took a ferry from Washington to Canada. The bed and breakfast was 15 miles outside Victoria and overlooked an ocean inlet. It was kind of a lake... but the tide came in and out. :P *shrug* We went to the Royal British Museum in downtown Victoria, and we also went to Victoria's Chinatown. My cousin is a Sailor Moon addict, and she was thrilled when we found cans of Sailor Moon pasta in one of the shops. It was made by Heinz. I also saw alot of punk/hippie related shops in Victoria. ^_^ It was cool. I went into most of them. I also picked up a jade ring in one of them. That's another thing... British Columbia is famous for it's jade. Almost every shop we went in in Victoria had a tray of jade rings in various sizes for sale. :) I think the trip to Canada was the best vacation I have ever had. The whole time we were there, we never heard a single police siren. Nobody we met was rude to us. There weren't any jacked-up red neck hillbillie pickup trucks either, which was refreshing. My aunt agreed to that when I pointed it out to her. There were alot of cute girls there too. :D Serious. Maybe it's just the west coast, but about 19 out of 20 girls my age that I saw were cute. :) You don't get those odds here in Oregon. Canadian currency is amazing. they use about 100 different colors of ink on their money. There's no $1 bill or $2 bill, they use coins instead. Queen Elizabeth II is on the front of all the coins, and the front side of their $20 bill. The last time I checked, $1 U.S. was equal to $1.46 Canadian.
Newport Bay Bridge, view from the beach on the northwest side. Black & white.
Pet Cemetary Bricks and cinder blocks mark the graves of a dog and three cats in the back of our backyard. I transplanted some strawberries from the middle of the yard to make it more cheery. Black & white.
Homo Fish! Rock on! Chris gets asked alot what it means. Yes, people ARE that stupid. Incidently, he said its usually people in Albany who ask. If they are scary looking, his answer: "Uh, homogenious?" A delightful alternative to all those damn Jesus Fish I see EVERYWHERE in this town.
He Loved Cats
Arthur's cat YES! I FINALLY GOT A SHOT OF A CAT YAWNING! =^_^=
Two cats Black & white. A pair of silly cats I came across when I was taking photos of houses downtown. The white one kept following me around, it was acting really funny. It would hiss at that gray/white one whenever it got close.
Jitterbug, being goofy Sometimes she gets hyper and acts silly. =^_^=
He Loved Cars
Chrysler K-Car Limousine Albany's "Elite" Taxi service has a few Lincoln Town Cars, and this unusual Chrysler K-car Limousine. Only 1698 of these cars were made over a period of 4 years (1983, 1984, 1985, and 1986). This model is a 1986, because it has a turbocharged engine. Production figures are as follows:
1983 - Executive Limousine 2, Sedan 9
1984 - Executive Limousine 594, Sedan 196
1985 - Executive Limousine 759
1986 - Executive Limousine 138
For those last two years, just limos were made. The difference between the sedans and the limos was mainly the limo's division window between the front and rear compartment, plus the limousines were 7 inches longer to make room for that window.
1962 Chrysler Not sure what model. This car had a push-button transmission! I thought that was kind of odd. Apparently Chrysler is thinking about bringing this back in a concept car due out in the next few years. Whatever they do, I think they need to re-design the PT Cruiser. Yuck.
He was one of us
The photographer! Me! I found a timer feature on the shutter, so I hit it and sat down. I think it came out pretty good. B&W
The Gay Engine ... ?
WEIRD park bench on OSU path This parkbench looks like it was carved out of a single piece of rock. Even if it wasn't, the pieces would have had to have been moved there and assembled with mortar. I don't know the exact location of it on campus, but I do know it is on the north side. The building in the background might give you a clue, too. B&W
He passed back in 2017. For the the morbidly curious you can find out more about that here.
Before it broke sometime in 2020 his page counter listed 32,941 hits (found with the wayback machine). Thirty two thousand nine hundred and forty one people. Even when accounting for bots and spammers he touched thousands...tens of thousands of lives. I can see no more fitting memory to anybody than letting this angelic endeavor continue. So please pay his page a visit. See through his eyes, read his comments and love him to whatever extent you can. Soften your heart and commune with the dead BUT not forgotten.
I don't believe in God or an afterlife...
but,
I can't help but hope, beyond all fainting specter of a decaying hope, that wherever he is, whatever he is, and how ever he is, he knows the love that we have for him. For his beauty, grace, and power in the physical and the effervescent. For his pictures, his humor, his lust, his friends, for his affinity for the feline and the Ferrari and any other way in the limited infinitum that we can know him.
But really I will never know him, you will never know him. We've been robbed of that chance. To measure him up, consult our values and prejudices and view him through the periscope of our life. Who knows, I find most people annoying.
Yet I do... I love him... and I hope you do to.
I did my best to write this in a respectful manor. I hope I have done right by the deceased and have been respectful of his memory. If you feel I have not please let me know.